Well, I tried to upload this cute animated pumpkin and I guess I don't know how to do it because it's not working! In any case, I wanted to wish you all a very spooky and treat-filled Halloween!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Happy Halloween!
Well, I tried to upload this cute animated pumpkin and I guess I don't know how to do it because it's not working! In any case, I wanted to wish you all a very spooky and treat-filled Halloween!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
On losing my balance ...
The other day I posted about losing my mom. She died on August 5th. I got through the initial weeks after her death far better than I'm faring now. I feel completely out of synch with the world. A significant compass point, perhaps the most significant, has left my life and I'm experiencing the reverberations.
A week ago Monday, I tripped over my bathroom door. I know, it's sounds funny, right? How do you trip over a door? Well, I broke my pinky toe in that little slip up. My toe got caught UNDER the door. Ouch.
So this morning I tried to carry too much stuff out to the car and missed a step and, rather than putting all my weight (plus what I was carrying) onto my already broken right foot, I fell down onto my left knee. Ouch.
And last night I called two friends with whom I've been trying to catch up. They are people I hold very dear and whom I do not see often. I got voicemail for one and busy signal for the other ... and I wept. I was reaching out and there was no one there. In the past I would've called mom next. Because she was basically house-bound, she was always there. And now she's not. Ouch.
Oh, I know I'm being dramatic. Of course my friends are there and of course we'll catch up sooner or later but, last night, it served to highlight the fact of my mom's disappearance into the ether.
The lovely thing that happened yesterday is that I received an email from my dearest, oldest friend, Mary. Mary's mom and my mom were best friends and Mary and I have known each other our whole lives. Mary went to Maine this past weekend to the beach were our families used to meet and play in the summer.
We have scattered ashes of both my father and mother off the back side of a rocky island that's connected to the beach by a sandbar at low tide. I sort of jokingly said to Mary, "Give my best to mom and dad." Well, she did. She went out to Fox Island and bid them a lovely afternoon.
The other lovely thing that happened was that Joe found me weeping last night and crawled into bed next to me and held me while I processed this next little bit of grief. Right now I'm at that place where I feel like I'll be grieving forever, and perhaps a part of me will; and I know, from having lost my dad previously, that the pain will become less evident. Pain is a reminder that we're alive ... I guess, in that case, I must be very alive 'cause my toe and my knee are killing me!
A week ago Monday, I tripped over my bathroom door. I know, it's sounds funny, right? How do you trip over a door? Well, I broke my pinky toe in that little slip up. My toe got caught UNDER the door. Ouch.
So this morning I tried to carry too much stuff out to the car and missed a step and, rather than putting all my weight (plus what I was carrying) onto my already broken right foot, I fell down onto my left knee. Ouch.
And last night I called two friends with whom I've been trying to catch up. They are people I hold very dear and whom I do not see often. I got voicemail for one and busy signal for the other ... and I wept. I was reaching out and there was no one there. In the past I would've called mom next. Because she was basically house-bound, she was always there. And now she's not. Ouch.
Oh, I know I'm being dramatic. Of course my friends are there and of course we'll catch up sooner or later but, last night, it served to highlight the fact of my mom's disappearance into the ether.
The lovely thing that happened yesterday is that I received an email from my dearest, oldest friend, Mary. Mary's mom and my mom were best friends and Mary and I have known each other our whole lives. Mary went to Maine this past weekend to the beach were our families used to meet and play in the summer.
We have scattered ashes of both my father and mother off the back side of a rocky island that's connected to the beach by a sandbar at low tide. I sort of jokingly said to Mary, "Give my best to mom and dad." Well, she did. She went out to Fox Island and bid them a lovely afternoon.
The other lovely thing that happened was that Joe found me weeping last night and crawled into bed next to me and held me while I processed this next little bit of grief. Right now I'm at that place where I feel like I'll be grieving forever, and perhaps a part of me will; and I know, from having lost my dad previously, that the pain will become less evident. Pain is a reminder that we're alive ... I guess, in that case, I must be very alive 'cause my toe and my knee are killing me!
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